You’ve got to keep an eye on the news, because great things are happening daily. Just a few days ago, I was all atwitter to hear about new legislation that would make us safer. After all, Colorado’s been on the forefront of safer-living-through-firearms ever since “Make My Day” became state law back in 1985. And if this proposed legislation, called “Make My Day Better”, becomes law, we can all rest easier.

Simply put, the original “Make My Day” law means that if someone invades your house, you get to kill them and you don’t have to go to jail. When I first heard of it, I was intrigued by the name, based on famous words from Dirty Harry, the role model for all of us domestic patriots. Catchy moniker, but I wondered: wouldn’t the legislation be better named “homeland security”? But then I learned that the doomed intruder needs to actually be in your home, not just on your land. So the name fits.

Better still, now we might have “Make My Day Better”, which was proposed in January by rootin’-tootin’ State Representative Cory Gardner. If it becomes law, the warm embrace of comfort and security brought on by the original “Make My Day” law would be expanded: we also would get to kill people to protect our businesses and — no kidding here — our cars. Now that’s what I’m talking about! Lock and load.

I gotta admit, I really love my car. With 100,000 miles plus, it’s not worth much, and it’s even less to look at since a snow-driving rookie (from Hawaii, no less) crunched the front left fender in a snowstorm. By the way, when are people going to realize that four-wheel-drive doesn’t help you stop any faster? After all, every car has four-wheel brakes.

Anyway, in spite of the fact that nobody would ever want to steal my car, I feel duty-bound to plug any varmint who tried. With MMDB, I’d be free to open fire, and without fear of hard time. Sweet. Take that, you naysayers who believe this left-leaning editorialist doesn’t appreciate bright ideas from our conservative brethren.

And once again, I love the name. Whose day wouldn’t be made better by the chance to express gratitude for the Second Amendment…with hot lead!?

I’ll go one step further. This law doesn’t go far enough. Deadeye Gardner, you’re missing a big opportunity here, which I’d like to call “Make My Day Better Than Ever”. As long as we’re protecting homes, businesses and cars, what about select appliances? Priced a side-by-side fridge lately? I swear, some of those plasma televisions are worth way more than my Suburu. If I ever do buy one, I’d like to be free to kill someone if they swiped it.

If that seems too drastic, we might limit things by season, like with hunting, where the rules change by time of year. For example, we’d be allowed to bring down a flat screen bandit during NFL season, which is also good timing because of new shows from the networks. Maybe it would be okay to kill someone during rerun season, but only if you used bow and arrow or black powder rifle. Our legislators could hammer out those details in committee.

Meanwhile, let’s not forget the big picture here. Legislation like this is desperately needed. In the spirit of pro-gun initiatives throughout the Wild West, the sooner we can fill our homes, businesses and cars with loaded guns, and expand the number of situations when these guns can legally be fired at people, the safer everyone will be.